today i only ate in my car once and it didnt fix me
today behind my eyelids i saw your face
tomorrow i might eat every pizza lunchable i see
and it wont fix me, but ill try it anyway
today i tried to make sure everyone that i love knew it
but it didnt fix me, because i couldnt do it
i promise that i didnt ask to want you as badly as i do
i promise ill quit making promises to you
i still get really sad when i drink
i still smoke when im sad (most of the time)
its just if god is indescribable
and we never quit describing god
the only thing for god to be is silence (ineffable)
the only thing for me to be is quiet
Track Name: So It Doesn't Hurt Worse Later, or Goodbye for Now
all i ever hope to be is clear
so if my nagging fear is true
and youre humoring me
just let me know
i generally wait to let things go
and i probably wont until you tell me to
i think i know myself less well than i let on
i think i know you less well than i need to
just dont go
pretend that its the terror pigeon show
pretend i didnt know this going in
"its a shame you think wed reunite over milk and not dank snax"
i got too high
and struggled with the bigger things you struggle with
im afraid of losing touch
of correct focus
i just felt lucky to be there
if i give you hope whys it feel im out of chances?
like you were my last chance and thats as close as ill ever get
just tell me you know
to just calm down
i will be fine, i will be waiting, i will be quiet
who do i think i am?
i think in general people are too quick to say "i know what you mean"
is it too obvious to move to boston now?
what if i never have a last time i saw you?
we cant keep pretending this is healthy
is it too predictable?
can i move to boston?
because i just wanna watch mr. show and hold you
(but i cant)
so im just gonna listen to your brothers band and look at pictures of you
(until it hurts too bad)
im afraid to say your name out loud
ive only read it and ive still never asked how
Track Name: Platywuss, or God as a Quilt
our hobby is to kill kids
i opened my books. see, i can do it.
our hobby is to hate ourselves and everyone around us
lights out its all the same darkness
theyre all the same dark clouds, right?
tongue between my teeth to hide the underbite
you make me think of god
strictly a matter of comfort
strictly a matter of filling up some holes
an instance of wholesale belief that im fucking all my potential
that as lofty as my goals may a platypus cant change its beak
im looking for a concrete wall
i want it to be thick so i can smash my head in
i wanna split all of my knuckles and then just sit around and cry
just let me stay asleep
its too cold to stand or leave
Track Name: Right Effort, or "Effort, Right?"
"let him sleep, he tried his hardest today"
theres not enough for the two of us
but i could make it stretch if you were staying
i keep saying you shouldnt miss me
but strictly out of curiosity
what would it take
its so fucking cold out
im in cutoff shorts that i bought from a thrift store in new orleans
i ran out of socks today
and i could get some work done at the laundromat
we all know that i wont
i just hope you dont hate me when you find out
Track Name: Speak When Spoken To, or You Boys Are Ghost
we'll table this for now but this is on the table
a hand moves toward your knee in a movie theater
cut to me looking terrified
pretending i do this all the time
cut to you looking generous as fuck
like "im sure youre not used to this,
so just sit there and think about what youve done"
dear moth in my bedroom
i wont kill you
you have to fuck off
how many days in a row can i imagine my own funeral
i can feel my heartbeat in my left arm
i have more off days than not
picture me panicking
picturing you swatting on behalf of me
picture me cowering
picturing you swatting at my face
there are a couple things i need to explain