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mirror neuron

by furry fins

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1.
today i only ate in my car once and it didnt fix me today behind my eyelids i saw your face tomorrow i might eat every pizza lunchable i see and it wont fix me, but ill try it anyway today i tried to make sure everyone that i love knew it but it didnt fix me, because i couldnt do it i promise that i didnt ask to want you as badly as i do i promise ill quit making promises to you i still get really sad when i drink i still smoke when im sad (most of the time) its just if god is indescribable and we never quit describing god the only thing for god to be is silence (ineffable) the only thing for me to be is quiet
2.
all i ever hope to be is clear so if my nagging fear is true and youre humoring me just let me know i generally wait to let things go and i probably wont until you tell me to i think i know myself less well than i let on i think i know you less well than i need to just stay just dont go pretend that its the terror pigeon show pretend i didnt know this going in "its a shame you think wed reunite over milk and not dank snax" i got too high and struggled with the bigger things you struggle with im afraid of losing touch of correct focus i just felt lucky to be there if i give you hope whys it feel im out of chances? like you were my last chance and thats as close as ill ever get just tell me you know to just calm down i will be fine, i will be waiting, i will be quiet who do i think i am? i think in general people are too quick to say "i know what you mean" is it too obvious to move to boston now? be realistic what if i never have a last time i saw you? we cant keep pretending this is healthy is it too predictable? can i move to boston? because i just wanna watch mr. show and hold you (but i cant) so im just gonna listen to your brothers band and look at pictures of you (until it hurts too bad) im afraid to say your name out loud ive only read it and ive still never asked how
3.
our hobby is to kill kids i opened my books. see, i can do it. our hobby is to hate ourselves and everyone around us lights out its all the same darkness theyre all the same dark clouds, right? tongue between my teeth to hide the underbite you make me think of god strictly a matter of comfort strictly a matter of filling up some holes an instance of wholesale belief that im fucking all my potential that as lofty as my goals may a platypus cant change its beak im looking for a concrete wall i want it to be thick so i can smash my head in i wanna split all of my knuckles and then just sit around and cry just let me stay asleep its too cold to stand or leave
4.
"let him sleep, he tried his hardest today" theres not enough for the two of us but i could make it stretch if you were staying i keep saying you shouldnt miss me but strictly out of curiosity what would it take its so fucking cold out im in cutoff shorts that i bought from a thrift store in new orleans i ran out of socks today and i could get some work done at the laundromat we all know that i wont i just hope you dont hate me when you find out
5.
6.
we'll table this for now but this is on the table a hand moves toward your knee in a movie theater cut to me looking terrified pretending i do this all the time cut to you looking generous as fuck like "im sure youre not used to this, so just sit there and think about what youve done" dear moth in my bedroom i wont kill you you have to fuck off how many days in a row can i imagine my own funeral i can feel my heartbeat in my left arm i have more off days than not picture me panicking picturing you swatting on behalf of me picture me cowering picturing you swatting at my face there are a couple things i need to explain

credits

released March 1, 2017

connor lachenbruch played/recorded/mixed the songs at chairea house in bozeman, mt.

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furry fins montana

some sad bullshit, yelled in bars and basements in montana.

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